Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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