I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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