am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
