could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
