winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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