it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
