and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
