I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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