he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
