New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
