is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
