I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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