I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
