I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
