i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
