Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just want nice things and good sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
