i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
