I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
