Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
