overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
