And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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