how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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