Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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