Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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