i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
