dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
