its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
