Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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