I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
