Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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