to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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