My friends, they love my intelligence
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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