Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize