Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
