I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
