you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
