Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
