Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
