Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
