great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
