Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
