Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
