my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
