I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
