Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
