3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't make out with my wife yet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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