I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
