You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the liver wants what the liver wants
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
