Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
