Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
