You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
