I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
