My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i came on her dog
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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