i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
