His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
