So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
