its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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