i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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