not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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