Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
