maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
