you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
