Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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