guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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