Im at strip club and am horny
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no, he came in my armpit
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
