She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize